Zayin's Dream
by PrincipessaR16
Summary: Also a third sequel sequence, Zayin, as an adult, dreams of the last day with his parents in Zaibach. Once again, this is pretty much all original characters, but I have a tendancy to do that.


All right, here is another short from the 3rd sequel, or from the parallel story, probably neither of which will be written.   
And Zayin dreamt of Leila. Sleeping in his bunk aboard the leviship, Zayin was transported back through his memories, into the form of his childhood self. But Zayin, though in the body of a five-year-old, remembered all too well what was yet to come.  
The dream was of his last day with his mother, his last day in the little flat in the Heart of Zaibach, the day on which his mother told him that that night they would be going away on a trip and never coming back, that they would be leaving Zaibach and going to a little village far away from here, like the one in which his mother had grown up in. Except... they would never leave Zaibach together, never go to that village. Zayin felt his heart clench in pain and sadness... why did he keep on reliving this memory, if there was nothing he could do to change it?  
"Mama..." he cried out, from the body of his five-year-old self, "Mama, please don't tell me these things. Please listen to me, Mama. Please! This plan won't work! The soldiers will find us out! They're going to catch us and kill you, they're going to conscript me. Mama, please listen to me."  
But Leila just buttoned his school coat, humming a sweet song and smoothing his dark hair. "Ssh, Zayin," she whispered, "It's all right. You're just scared. Everything will be fine."  
"No..." Zayin whispered. "You don't understand. If you don't listen to me, you and Father will die.. today. You MUST tell Father not to go ahead with his plan!"  
But Leila only handed Zayin his cap and told him to hurry up or else Erinah would go to school without him. So five-year-old Zayin walked out the door, heart heavy with pain. Not that he could blame his mother for not understanding, for disregarding his pleas. Leila, the true Leila, had died years ago. This Leila, the Leila of his dream, was only his memory. Nothing he could do or say would change actions that were already etched into the face of time. His mother, in his memory, was once again going to die, and once again, he would be helpless, unable to keep her or his father from dying. The memory of his mother's words would never change, no matter what his dream-self told her.   
Erinah was waiting at the corner, wearing a tight, grey coat over her drab school uniform, her brown hair tied into two braids under her grey fur cap. "Hi!" she waved cheerily to Zayin.  
Zayin waved machanically. I wonder where Erinah is now, Zayin mused, I wonder what kind of life she has led... I wonder if she is even alive now, this friend from my childhood.  
"Hey, today is the sword trials for you, isn't it?" Erinah asked cheerfully. "Aren't you excited? I wish that they let us girls sword fight."  
"Erinah," adult Zayin mused, "you're always so cheerful. You're probably the only cheerful kid in all of Zaibach. I wonder what will become of you?"  
Erinah glanced up at him, a little confused. Did she hear me? Zayin wondered, is dream-Erinah more malleable than dream-Leila? Or could this be a sign to me that Erinah is alive? Or is it just that my memories of my last day in school with Erinah are less clear... and less painful... then my last memories of my mother?  
"I don't know what will become of me," Erinah told him, and although her voice was still that of the child he remembered, there was an adult, a faraway, a knowing quality to her voice. "Or, Zayin, the better response is, YOU don't know what became of me, is it not?"  
Zayin jerked his head up. "Who... who are you?" he demanded, startled.  
Erinah smiled, a gentle, kind, but sad smile. "I'm Erinah, the Erinah of your childhood, the Erinah you wanted me to become. I'm your conception of Erinah, after all."  
"So, you're part of me," Zayin stated.  
"Of course. All the figures in your dreams are. Which is why we are both little kids, talking like thirty-year-olds. So I have no idea what your true Erinah has become, or if she is alive. I know nothing more than you do. I am you."  
"Erinah... me.... why do I keep having this dream? I hate it! Why do I keep reliving the worst day of my life? Why do I again and again see the innocent face of my mother, so hopeful and gentle, why do I again and again see her die? Why can't I come to terms with the past--or at least not think about it all the time? And this dream, this cruel dream, as if I had the power of acting, but I don't."  
"Let's try to change your dream, then," Erinah told him. "Like, for instance, let's ditch school. Let's just hang out, you and me, and talk. After all, you'll wake up soon, and I'll be gone. So, if you want to talk, let's talk now."  
Zayin smiled. "Ditch school, huh. The real Erinah would never do something like that. But why not. In reality, I'm past thirty and you're a figment of my imagination. Besides, the Zaibach schools are a memory I'd rather not relive. So let's go."  
Erinah smiled. "So let's go, then." And with hands clasped, the two ran together, down the streets, into the center of town. It was not at all as Zayin had remembered it, with tall, grey, scary, metallic buildings and serious men in cloaks everywhere. Rather, it was bright and sunny, with sparkling cobblestones and toy and candy stores everywhere.  
"Where the hell are we?" Zayin demanded.  
Erinah shrugged. "I dunno. I suggest that this place is your fantasy of what it would be like for a child to ditch school. Since this is only a dream, it doesn't really matter where we are. Would you like some candy? I think that the man over there is giving away free lollypops."  
Zayin shrugged. "Why not." So he and Erinah got some lollypops and sat down on a bench near a park. "I keep thinking that you're really you..." he mused. "But I want to know what happened to you... I wish you could tell me... I don't want to remember this dream, and then find out that you've died."  
Erinah nodded. "I don't think that she's dead, the real Erinah. She's a strong girl, knowing already what she wanted at the age of five, when you knew her. She had the drive and determination to get what she wanted."  
Zayin glanced over at her. "What she wanted, huh? What did she want? You seem to know. But, as it doesn't come to mind... after all, to me, she seemed the quintessial brainwashed Zaibach child."  
Erinah smiled a bittersweet smile. "Brainwashed Zaibach child, huh? Well, perhaps I was one, and perhaps not. But do you perhaps think that she, like you, hid her true feelings?"  
This was a new one for Zayin. "But you loved Zaibach. You never acted unhappy. In contrast, you were always happy, always wishing you could do more in school... like the whole sword trials thing. You always were saying, 'If I could do this,' or 'if only they would let me,' but you seemed completely loyal to Zaibach..."  
"Maybe I liked their aims. Maybe I wanted the happiness they claimed that they would bring. Maybe I was too young to see their hypocrisy, to realize that a country which locked its people into this harsh system of fear and restriction would ever give those people the happiness they were promised." Her tone was purely speculating, she did not sound bitter.  
Zayin nodded. "I always knew what Zaibach was really like. I never had to learn the truth. Is that why you're not bitter, because you're me?"  
Erinah shrugged. "Probably. The real Erinah was probably quite embittered when she found this out."  
Zayin sighed and looked down. "What hard lives these children have... all of us in Zaibach... but especially those children who were brainwashed-- when they learned the truth, it must have caused them so much pain... they must have felt so betrayed..."  
Erinah nodded. "I'm sure. After all, how did your father feel?"  
Zayin bit his lip, then murmured, "Exactly. But, tell me, since you seem to know, what was it that seven-year-old Erinah desired, what she was determined to achieve?"  
Erinah grinned and whispered the phrase. "Freedom. What Erinah wished was freedom. To be who she wished, to do what she wished. To be her own person. Erinah wanted freedom."  
"Freedom?!" Zayin cried out in shock, "she wanted freedom? At seven years old? She... she's got to have died! She can't have survived, with dreams like that!"  
"If her dreams are strong enough, she's probably alive," Erinah mused. "After all, she was a clever child, and don't you think, once she discovered that Zaibach would not give her what she wanted, she would have the sense to act as she had before and not let them see that her feelings had changed..."  
"That's me," Zayin stated. "You're being me. Erinah is not like that. That's what I would have done. But Erinah... although clever, Erinah is impulsive and emotional. If she found out such a thing, surely she would lash out. She could never hide her emotions the way I can. And if she lashed out, why then..."  
"Even the officials are only human," Erinah pointed out. "Maybe they would be swayed by her outcry..."  
"That's rare," Zayin sighed. "I hope she's alive, but I doubt she is."  
"Look for her," Erinah urged. "If she is alive, it may be that she needs help. You'll never know what became of her if you don't look. Promise me, promise the Erinah that you once knew, that as soon as you can you will look for her."  
"I promise," Zayin affirmed. "I will find her and I will help her. I will come to know her for who she truly is."  
"And I will grow up," Erinah told him.  
Zayin nodded gravely. "You will grow up." He looked away from her for a moment, over towards where the candy shops were. Finally, he murmured, "All right, Erinah. I've promised to help you. Is there any way that you can help me? How I don't have to have this dream again.... how I don't have to see my parents die again?"  
Erinah sighed. "Well... we've been trying to change the dream, and, in the small things, we've succeeded. What you need to do is change the end of the dream... in a big way."  
"But how can I do that... if no matter what I say, my parents will keep on acting the way I remember? There's no way that I can get them to change their behavoir!"  
"Then don't change THEIR behavior," Erinah murmured, "Change yours... and change that of the soldiers. It's only a dream, you know. Whatever you do will only affect your mind. So..."  
"So..." Zayin murmured, as the implications of Erinah's words suddenly dawned on him, "What you're telling me to do is... to die for them. Instead of being the trembling boy, hiding in the distance, watching helpless as the soldiers kill my parents, I should throw myself to the soldiers' mercy. I should let the soldiers kill me, let my parents escape, have a really awful dream, but wake up knowing that... I've put the dream to rest."  
Erinah nodded. "It's getting late. You need to get home. Good luck, then. I hope this is the last time you have this dream. And don't forget to find me, all right?"  
Zayin stood up, nodded, and turned, walking away from the bright fantasy place where Erinah still sat, licking her lollypop, and heading back to the grey skies and brown streets of his childhood home, determined that this dream would be the last of its kind, determined that his memory of his parents' death would finally be laid to rest.   
"Did you have a nice day in school today?" Leila asked Zayin as he walked in the door.  
Zayin shrugged. "It was okay."  
Leila nodded. "School is so bad here in Zaibach for you. Little kids shouldn't have to be taught about such awful things.You'll be much happier in Austuria."  
Zayin just nodded, knowing by now that protesting would not accomplish anything. Instead, he asked, "Should I start to pack my things, then?"  
Leila shook her head. "I already have a small bag packed for you to carry under your cloak. Why don't you take a nap? We'll be leaving in a few hours, so you need some rest. It'll be a sleepless night."  
It'll be a sleepless night, all right, Zayin silently agreed, turning to walk into his bedroom. Once there, however, he did not try to sleep. It was a dream, after all, and he had much to think about. Where was Erinah, really? Would what he planned to do to end this dream really work?  
At length, when the sky was beginning to darken, Leila called for Zayin to come back into the main room, so he did. There, she dressed him in several layers of sweaters, then his school coat, and finally, a black cloak. On his head, she put a knitted cap, on his feet she laced up fur- trimmed boots. Although he was certainly old enough to dress himself, Leila took pride in dressing him, like he was still a baby. Remembering this, Zayin submitted, uncomplaining, to this.  
A few minutes later, after Leila had put on her own wraps and had passed out the small packages, she and Zayin set off for the elevated train that would take them to Vosem's work. They spoke little, too nervous to chat. Soon enough, they reached the station. The train was just about ready to leave, and they were at Vosem's work within five minutes.  
Zayin hugged his father and then climbed into the carriage which was waiting. His parents sat together opposite him. Everyone was silent, Zayin was almost shaking with anxiety. Please let this work, he prayed, please let them, this one time, be spared.  
Zayin was almost relieved when he heard the thundering hoofbeats of the approaching soldiers. He did not have to wait any longer, and what would come would come. So it was almost calmly that he said, "Stop the carriage. They'll suspect us if we hurry."  
The carriage was stopped, and soon enough the soldiers caught up with them. Everyone was ordered out of the carriage, where they stood, trembling, on the snow. Zayin stepped in front of his parents protectively, hoping that it would work.  
"Are you not Vosem?" one of the soldiers addressed Zayin's father. "Hadn't you been told that you were not to leave the Heart of Zaibach? Where are you going?"  
Vosem looked nervously at Leila, but Zayin spoke up. "It's me you want." His voice rang clear, the voice of his child self and that of his present self were mixed. "I'm Zayin. You want me in your army. If you take me and free my parents, I will serve you."  
Leila and Vosem looked at Zayin, shocked, but the soldiers glanced at one another. The leader shrugged. "All right, then, take the boy. We can deal with the parents later."  
Zayin went with two of the soldiers, appearing to be submissive, while the other stayed behind, watching his parents. I didn't think that they would accept that, and besides, according to Erinah, this is not the way that the dream will end. So... When they had gotten about a hundred feet away from his parents, Zayin suddenly pulled out a small dagger from his belt. Where it had come from he had no idea, but a dream being a suggestible world, he only thanked his luck that the dream had supplied him with what he needed.  
With a sudden, deft movement, probably a combination of his excellent fighting abilities and the power he seemed to have over the dream, he leaped up and stabbed one of the soldiers in the stomach. He fell forward, shocked, hands to Zayin's knife. The other soldier clamped Zayin firmly on the shoulders and shouted for his third comrade to join them.  
The third soldier rushed over to his comrades and to Zayin, leaving Zayin's parents ungaurded. "Run!" Zayin called, "Don't just stand there?"  
Vosem started to run towards Zayin, wanting to save him from the soldiers' wrath, but Zayin put out a hand. "No! Stop!" he called. "You don't understand! This is only a dream! I'm alive! Even if they kill me I'll still be alive! But you, you're dead... I've seen you die once in reality and too often to count in dreams. You can't save me and I can't save you. But if you will please, please escape, in this one dream... Please! Please, please help me lay this dream to rest! Please let me move on! Please!"  
Vosem paused and said, "All right then, Zayin. Farewell." And with that, he walked slowly back towards Leila. Zayin wanted him to hurry, to run, but the soldiers were paying him no attention. It almost seemed as, to the soldiers, Vosem and Leila no longer existed.  
So Zayin watched his parents walk away together, off until he could no longer see them, his eyes brimming with tears of both sadness and relief. Once, at least once, he could save them. Once, at least once, they would live. In his mind, they could rest.  
"Boy!" one of the soldiers grabbed him roughly by the collar, jerking him out of his reverie. Zayin glanced up to see that the soldier who he had stabbed was lying on the ground, to all appearances dead. Zayin almost felt guilty, in real life, he had never killed anyone. But this isn't real life, he reminded himself, this is only a dream.  
Suddenly, one of the soldier's knives was at his throat. "Don't you see what you have done, child?" the soldier demanded. "You've killed one of my comrades. Don't you realize that killing a soldier of your own country is an act of treason?"  
Zayin shrugged, wishing the dream to end already. "You're not real. I don't care," he murmured.  
Suddenly, the soldier drew his knife along Zayin's throat. Zayin felt as if he was falling backwards into blackness. He screamed as he fell, fell into what seemed to be a neverending pit, and then suddenly his eyes flew open and he was screaming and thrashing in his bunk, in the present, in real life, on board the leviship.  
Once Zayin realized where he was, he stopped screaming. His heart was pounding, however, and his eyes were wide. So is that what it's like to get killed? he wondered. Is that what it was like for my parents?  
He heard pounding footsteps in the hall and in a few seconds, Samech was standing in the doorway, carrying a candle. "Zayin... are you all right?"  
Zayin sat up clumsily, gazing at the young, blond boy in a white nightshirt. "I... I think so... I just had a very bad dream..."  
"Oh...? Is there anything I could do to help you?" Samech stepped closer, his face concerned.  
Zayin's breaths and heart rate were returning to normal now. "If you stayed with me for a moment I would be very much obliged," he murmured. So Samech took a seat by Zayin's bed as Zayin laid down once more, talking softly with Samech, trying to dispell his fears. And Samech replied, his voice soft, not sure he understood Zayin's panic, but not needing to, willing to be there for his father-in-law, to comfort him as best he could.  
  
The last thing Zayin said before drifting off back to sleep was, "I have to find her--I promised I would.... and I will rescue her... as she rescued me."  
Samech waited a few more minutes before slowly rising and returning to bed, hoping that Zayin's dreams would be peaceful this time. --end!-- Okay! What do you think? 


End file.
